re do

Well, I began this page with the ranting of the famous swede. but I forgot to save so now I'm rewriting. A wretched thing, full of tears and warranted self-recrimination, I am being forced to really look at myself and the license I've given myself to behave the way I have been behaving. Discipline does not mean being so rigid I cannot breathe or move in the loose-jointed manner I desire to. My idea of discipline brings the thought of a nervous, uptight woman, closed in on herself, not allowing joy and spontaneity to flavor her life.

2.activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training:A daily stint at the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer.

There are many definitions for discipline. If I can look at it as this definition, I can see it being such a benefit and not as rigidity. It is a regimen that helps develop/train/improve.

Off to build a regimen that helps develop/train and improve.

directionless

Many thinking things to do.  Study herbs, plan out the floor plan for the fair displays, write letters to my sister and niece.  Cannot focus long enough on anything.  I'm being sytematically destroyed by the computer.  It is draining me of all my attention span leaving me unable to concentrate for any period of time.  I am waiting until I can watch tv online as I write this.  My garden is getting weedier by the minute but weeding makes me tired.  the only thing that does not make me tired is watching tv on the computer.  and eating.  what to do.  I don't seem to be strong enough to stay away from this machine for any period of time.  must. force. myself. must. get. strong. must. survive. must. break. away.