I'm 53

Today I am 53 years old.  I begin another year on this earth and like many people make resolutions on January 1st, this is my new year.  I will not make a resolution to lose weight although I need to.  I will not make a resolution to exercise more, nor to get a new job, I'm quite content in my housewifeishness.  I will resolve to love better.  I resolve to remember to take care of myself however harsh that may be.  I resolve to remember I am a child of God and that I have the inherent traits of God;  I will remember to exercise my talents which are many to enjoy each day as the gift it is and especially the forgiveness that is always showered on me by his greatest gift. 
I'm spending part of my day with mom as it is Monday and I always take her to the hairdresser and lunch on Monday.  Today I'm going to be pampered a little and have my hair trimmed and styled.  I will feel so decadent.
I almost don't like being pampered in such an obvious way.  Draw no attention to myself and no one will see me judge me.  hmmm.  that sounds like I need to do some work on something psychological.  another day perhaps.  Today is my birthday.

preparing for lent

There's so much to work on and each year it seems to be similar to the last.  Obviously, it's deeper than an irritation. 
Eating very simply is one of my goals.  going to mass at least 3 times per week will be difficult but I think I can manage that for 40 days.  keeping a clean house and staying the hell off of this computer which I'll have time to do if I'm not sitting here all day long. 
I'm surprised to see how much time I spend here.  30 minutes goes by like 5 and two hours goes by like 15 minutes.  I can literally waste an entire day here and feel tired and ready for bed at the end of the day.  It seems to sap my energy.  I wonder if it's plugged into me instead of the wall and draining my energy reserves. 
I think it may be evil.

I'm reading "looking for mary" by beverly donofrio again.  I came upon this passage;
"It's easier to experience the sacred when the texture of daily life is so close to nature, when the air smells sweet and the silence is so deep."

I think this is what i'm looking for this lent. 

Sunday

Fr. Olsen spoke about forgiveness today.  He's an Eastern Rite Ukrainian priest preaching in a Roman Catholic world.  He spoke about how the Eucharist is receiving forgiveness and in the eastern rite the priest says before distributing the host that the"servant of God is about to receive Christ and receive salvation"  something like that.  good words.  It means the same in our rite but is much more eloquent and grounded.  We have much to learn from him.
I read in the Catholic Sentinel about the Benedictine sisters at Mount Angel.  They speak about the order of their days; the rhythm their life has.  That is what is missing in mine.  There is chaos and disorder even though I go about being productive it feels so disjointed. 

I want to find a rhythm for my days.  An order.  Prayer, exercise, meals, work, learning, relaxation.  Each day.