Tuesday, February 22, 2011

pushing forward

I seem to always be pushing myself through water; that drag that tires you out so quickly.  maybe it's mud dragging my feet. 
I had a birthday last week.  perfectly uneventful and I'm not sure I like that.  Birthdays should be eventful.  or at least marked in someway.  I spent it working at the pantry and then took my son out to dinner.  My daughter gave me gifts which were lovely and I had many people wishing me happy birthday from the internet pages.  But I didn't mark the day in a way in which I wanted to.  I figured, no big deal; that I could make it up at some further date.  But the moment was lost.  but I digress.
I wanted to write about struggle and changes; and what I want to do. 
I want to concentrate on having more fun.  I don't have much fun.  I don't really even know what fun is anymore.  I enjoy reading, going to movies, gardening; solitary things; but I'm not a lot of fun to do things with.  And I want to discover that part of me.  I don't know how  to do this.
Being more adventurous.  but I'm alone so much.  I don't have friends who would do the stuff I want to do except laurie who lives too far away.  waaah.  more later.

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