it's thanksgiving day. the pies are ready, the rolls are raising, the others are just beginning to stir from their warm beds and I am so depressed I cry. This has been slowly growing for a few weeks now and I feel it will soon overtake me and I'll be immobilized by it. Stress? hormones? Weight? Weather? Time of Year? Body aches? Absolutely. Now, how to deal.
Just to be able to go back to sleep for a couple of hours. Wake up and the house was cleaned and sweet smelling. No arguing, attitudes or selfishness. I have so failed as a mother,. My children cannot wait to get away from here. They run from helping me and fight me when they are discomforted with my requests for help.
I just want to hate them.
My husband has quit drinking. Excellent. At first, I felt he had a handle on his anger. It was so wonderful. I felt I had a partner instead of a volcano. Alas. The volcano is back and erupting strong as ever. I'm so tired of it. Everyone is out to get him all the time. Has it EVER occurred to him that just possibly his attitude could have something to do with his outlook and response? Or am i missing something.
My parents are old and need my help. No one else helps with Mom. I feel a little resentful while being grateful I am able to help her. I'm also damned angry that her mind is gone.
God how I want to run and just keep running.
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